I have been going back and forth on what to write for my final reflection. There is so much that I have gained from this experience: new ways of thinking, new methods for the classroom, new friendships that I cherish, and a new outlook on myself as a writer. I decided that the best way for me to celebrate my new identity as a writer and to describe my experience in SI was to write through it in a poem since poetry is the scariest kind of writing for me. So, without further ado: here is my reflection on SI, here is my attempt at poetry, and here is my new identity as a writer.
This song came on my iPod as I was driving home from SI today and I thought that it would be a great way to frame my thinking for the entire experience. Of course I wanted to include it in my post because I love the Avett Brothers (they're local!), but I also thought that so many of the lyrics went along with what we've been talking about and with my experience in Summer Institute. I know that the song is primarily a love song, but I see a connection between love and teaching too. I have included the video with the lyrics (looks like the kinetic text we've been talking about) so that you can see what they are singing.
All it’ll take is just one moment And you can say ‘goodbye’ to how we had it planned Fear like a habit, run like a rabbit out and away Th rough the screen door to the unknown
I feel like Summer Institute has been that one moment for many of us. It's the moment where you recognize that yes, you have the courage to walk into the unknown. We keep the status quo as teachers because it's easy, it's what we know, and we are scared (or limited) to make any changes. I love that idea of "fear like a habit." I had never thought of fear in this way before, but we do become used to being scared of something. I know that I can talk myself out of anything if I'm scared to do it...don't sign up for that race, you'll never have time to properly train...don't ask that guy out, it probably wouldn't work out anyway...don't look at graduate schools out of the south, you don't want to be so far from family...All of those excuses are knee-jerk reactions for me, but they are really just me being scared of something and my habit of talking myself out of it. I think that I have done the same thing with my teaching in the past...don't choose that book, the parents would be all up in arms about it...don't pose that question, you may get a controversial answer...don't try that lesson plan, the kids probably won't understand it. I have to learn to break those habits if I want to be free to new experiences because once you can reject the old habits, you gain a new freedom with an entirely new world waiting for you on the other side. Of course there will be barriers to those changes, but you can push through that door as long as you can see out to the other side.
To set the tone for my thinking, I am including some videos that came to mind as we had our conversations today. I know that some of them may be a little off the beaten path and some may be inappropriate, but I think that they are good ways to continue talking and thinking about our earlier conversations. Even if the videos seem a little off-topic or low-brow, they all are examples of how we can play with genres and conventions in order to complicate our understanding of certain concepts or ideas that we take for granted.
The first video is another funny video from collegehumor.com (you may remember the Grammar Nazi from one of my earlier posts). I thought that this one went along well with our conversation on taking "older" texts or events and making them "new" again. I still wish Ben would have talked about his work with Romeo.Juliet at UNCC...it was so great! It took the classic tragedy, retained the classic language, and yet put it in the e-world that we live in where Romeo and Juliet stalk each other on Facebook, messages come in on the iPad, and they go to techno raves. While this one isn't nearly as good as that play, it is really funny and it does update an older piece. This one plays with the generic conventions of West Side Story and tells the story of a couple who met online...pretty darn funny (especially if you know West Side Story or the weirdness that comes from starting to date online). I give you Web Site Story:
The second video that came to mind today is this classic one from Monty Python called "The Argument Clinic." What I love most about this skit and how I think it relates to our discussions is how it satirizes the notion of argument itself or what we think an argument should be. The man comes in expecting to have an argument, or at least the way that he understands an argument to work as "a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition." However, Mr.Vibrating only meets everything he says with contradiction, which is his understanding of argument. It is at the intersection of these two understandings where the absurdity lies and exactly what makes it funny. I think about so many of our language conventions in that way...we all think that we understand what they are, but we each have a different understanding that we assume is "right." Thinking that we all understand things in the same way...that is what is absurd to me.
The third video that came up in my bizarrely-connected mind comes from a series on Funny-or-die.com called Drunk History, which has recently become a series on Comedy Central. The first episode that they made in the web series featured the story of Alexander Hamilton so of course it made me think about Erika's Demo. Although I recognize that you could never show this in class and that there is no inherent or redeeming value, I figured that you all still may want to check it out.
And the last one that I want to show you goes back to the idea of playing with genre conventions AND it goes back to one of our first conversations on Disney princesses (I think that was at orientation). It doesn't really have a deep meaning, but it's really funny and they do a fantastic job of recognizing the genre of The Real Housewives and applying the stories of the princesses. Too funny!
For your video pleasure today and since we are all teachers, I have included Taylor Mali's "What Teachers Make." The first time I heard this was several years ago and I fell in love with it, but now I am seeing it a little differently (and perhaps with a more critical lens) and I thought it may spark your minds to wonder too...
Now on to the post:
I cannot believe that we are in our final week of the Summer Institute! It really does seem that it all started yesterday...until I look at the increasing obesity of my daybook and then I see all the work that we've done. Today, I took away some big ideas from the amazing demos and our lunch conversation on assessment. What I've mostly been thinking about is how to make rhetorical awareness a part of every conversation that we have in the classroom and how those conversations can tie into the way that I assess my students or give them grades. I have had such a hard time figuring out the best way to "grade" my students because I really do feel that numeric grades are about the worst way that we could possibly assess writing. I hate that I am giving in to a system that I don't believe in and that I essentially argue against in class, but sometimes it feels like a necessary evil. I would love any feedback if you guys have a less confusing or better way to approach this--I welcome any and all advice!
Currently I have my students operating on a weighted category system with homework/small stakes writing assignments (10%), daily participation/daily writing/classwork (15%), 3 major writing assignments (15% each), and the final e-portfolio (30%). Within the first two categories, I grade them along the way and they can get three grades: awesome! (100), meh (80), not so much (60), or zero. Then with the major writing assignments, they get a few grades. When we are in the drafting stages, they get a completion grade (100 or 0) if they have their first draft for peer response. When they turn in their revised draft to me, they get two grades: a completion grade (100 or 0) and a projected grade that doesn't go into the gradebook, but lets them know where their writing stands at the moment. At the end of the semester, they get a final grade for the pieces that have to do with the final piece as explained/defended in a writer's reflection. Finally, they have an e-portfolio that is worth thirty percent of their final grade and contains their reflection on all their writing as well as some new writing and playing with emergent genres.
So here's what I'm wondering: What kind of message am I sending to my students with that system? What is the underlying message behind it? How could I improve or simplify my system? How could I move away from a number model, but still be able to keep the students satisfied that they are receiving "grades" for their work? If I move away from a number model, would letters just re-codify into those numbers? How could I grade more holistically, but still be able to report to my students? I have tried to withhold grades until the end or make everything dependent on the portfolio in the end, but I often have students who are hostile to that system. HELP ME!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Confession Time: As promised, I am putting up some of the writing that I have done recently. Please keep in mind that all of my confession writing is rough and may not be ready for public consumption. However, here it is: I'm not sure if it was during the spin cycle or the rinse that I realized I had become a cliche. I wouldn't have felt so bad since it's one of my normal routines: watch the day's General Hospital, do some laundry, pop a Lean Cuisine in the microwave, but what made tonight especially pathetic was that not only was it February 14th, but that I was over 30 (gasp!) and alone (what's wrong with her? stare). I know. I know. You think I should have gone out with some other single girlfriends (my two or three who remain outside the confines of marriage), but isn't that more pathetic? I tried it last year and never have I felt more alone than signing my individual bill while staring at the endless tables set for two with two people holding two hands staring into two eyes and looking too happy...needless to say, it was too much. So that's why I opted to stay in tonight, catch up on my stories and my laundry, and ward off St. Valentine and maybe my loneliness.
And here is my poem for democracy in my daybook today: Democracy becomes a four-letter word When people are represented rather than heard. They're told that they have some kind of power, But it's really all held in some ivory tower. Only when it's given back to the people, Will we be living among the free and the equal. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
So. What did I learn today? I learned that I am terrified to write. Not write in this informal, bloggy sort of way or even in an academic way (I actually really enjoy writing academic papers), but write in a real way. A way that makes me push my creative limits and a way that leaves me vulnerable to my audience. I am terrified that I am going to produce crap. And if writing shows who we are and my writing is crap, then does that mean I am Miss Craptacular? I don't know or maybe I'm too scared to find out.
Take the open mic today (and even my institute piece in general)...it was something that I had previously worked on in another class and something that I had already revised multiple times. It was safe. If I had been more secure in my creative writing ability or perhaps even more secure in myself, I would have shared something from my daybook or something new altogether. But I am cripplingly insecure about my writing, which leads me to my next question...
Am I a fraud? Not a fraud in the identity thief or 90s poser sort of way, but a writing fraud. Every day in my classroom, I espouse the importance of just getting something down on the page and not being scared to write crap. I extol the virtues of writing, reflecting, and writing again. I applaud my students who are willing to share the most intimate corners of their mind. And yet, I am terrified to do those very things.
I have to somehow use this final week of Summer Institute to figure out a way to suck it up and BE a writer. Not talk like a writer. Not act like a writer. Not think like a writer. But BE a writer.
I think that will be my goal for the weekend. I am going to write something new. I am going to try to BE a writer...craptacular or not.
This is me promising to write something new in my daybook at some point this weekend. I usually hate pictures of myself so I took a self-pic as sealing the writing promise. Consider it the same as if we just did a spit shake :)
Have you ever noticed that radio stations always play the same songs when it's raining outside? I mean, at some point on your ride home today you probably heard at least one, if not all of the following: CCR's "Who Will Stop the Rain?" or GnR's "November Rain" or or the Eurythmics' "Here Comes the Rain Again" or CCR's "Have You Ever Seen the Rain?" or Dylan's "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall." For me, my favorite rainy day song is "Riders on the Storm" by The Doors and so it's my video for my blog post today. Enjoy!
Even though I am going to talk a little bit more about the
demos from today in a bit, my biggest revelation for today is that I LOVE MY
WRITING GROUP!!! I have to thank Lacy and Steve for picking out a group of some
awesome partners-in-crime AND really good colleagues as well. I’ve really had a
lot of fun getting to know everyone and I have learned so much from them. So
Grouping Gods, you did a great job!
I know you can't read this, but our Skype conversations are hilarious.
Even as I am typing this at home, we are still talking to each other on Skype.
As far as the demos, I really enjoyed Kim’s demo this
morning on what is a hero and I think that it would be a great way for me to
introduce the concept of inquiry in my own class. I think the demo did a
fantastic job of showing how to take a big idea question (which most inquiry
questions begin as), locate the conversation, respond to the conversation, and
find a place to stand among it. I also really enjoyed Ben’s demo even though he
made me do creative writing, which I am TERRIBLE at! (If you want proof, my
best/most creative work from today is the caption underneath the picture).
"Nice to meet you too. You can call me, Ishmael."
(Terrible, I know!)
I think that I will use something very similar to his demo
along with the one that I did on good writing to complicate this notion or
narrative of what writing is at the beginning of the semester. I think that I
may change their first thought piece to be what their definition of writing is
based on what they learned from our discussions/activities and then also what
they find out from other people’s definitions. It could be a little
mini-inquiry on the nature of writing and I think it would be really cool.
Maybe have them record people’s ideas, incorporate quotes, etc. SORRY!!! I was
just writing through my ideas here.
Back to Ben’s demo: I LOVED the part where
we intentionally made our writing bad, but when we shared it around the circle,
we starting valuing it more. It’s funny how the worst ultimately became the
best, which gives credence to the notion that all of these definitions of what
is “good writing” or “bad writing” are completely arbitrary. If any of you are interested in writing badly, there is a
contest I talked about in one of my earlier posts. It’s the one that inspired
Snoopy’s “It was a dark and stormy night” and you can find the information here
or check out the photo below:
Overall, I think that today went extremely well because it
was over before I knew it. I can’t wait to see what’s to come tomorrow J
Well, since Nick and I basically spent our entire day coming up with our Day in the Life, I think that it's only appropriate that it's my post for tonight. I'm not sure exactly how the Willy Wonka theme came up, but it really works for what we are doing in Summer Institute. It seems like in order to be good writing teachers, we have to take on that role of Willy Wonka--the guy who forces you to think in new ways and to look at things from a different perspective--the guy who pushes you to show who you really are and what you are capable of. I don't know...maybe that's too cheesy, but it's what I was thinking about for today. ***Also, please know that most of the creative genius points go to Nick!
Our version of the song: Come with me and you'll be in a world of teacher edification. Draw your pic and Miss Jenny will use fuhnetik pron unz e ashun We'll begin human statuin' Traveling in tableau improvisation. Has technology brought us more a-li-en-ation? If you want to receive good advice Simply look around and hashtag it Anything you want to, do it Wanna change the world? Tweet the NWP #nothingtoit There is no breakfast I know to compare with Summer Institute-ation. "NWP muffins for free: choc-o-late or blue-ber-ry?" If you want to browse JSTOR sites Simply look around and view it Anything you want to inquire, do it Wanna enter conversations? Just Skype Lil, she can do it Blogging goes oh so slow when you're using 49er wireless. Squeaky chairs bother me. A day in the life of NWP.
And the AWESOME memes won't load now, but I'll get them up here as soon as I can :)
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