Take the open mic today (and even my institute piece in general)...it was something that I had previously worked on in another class and something that I had already revised multiple times. It was safe. If I had been more secure in my creative writing ability or perhaps even more secure in myself, I would have shared something from my daybook or something new altogether. But I am cripplingly insecure about my writing, which leads me to my next question...
Am I a fraud? Not a fraud in the identity thief or 90s poser sort of way, but a writing fraud. Every day in my classroom, I espouse the importance of just getting something down on the page and not being scared to write crap. I extol the virtues of writing, reflecting, and writing again. I applaud my students who are willing to share the most intimate corners of their mind. And yet, I am terrified to do those very things.
I have to somehow use this final week of Summer Institute to figure out a way to suck it up and BE a writer. Not talk like a writer. Not act like a writer. Not think like a writer. But BE a writer.
I think that will be my goal for the weekend. I am going to write something new. I am going to try to BE a writer...craptacular or not.
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| This is me promising to write something new in my daybook at some point this weekend. I usually hate pictures of myself so I took a self-pic as sealing the writing promise. Consider it the same as if we just did a spit shake :) |
Kendra, I think you sealed the deal on a few different levels, by putting it out there in a blog AND posting the picture! Your writing group is here to support you in this...kakaw! We've got your back.
ReplyDeleteI've felt the same also. I keep "forcing" myself to go out of the box with writing and sharing. It's empowering to see others stand up and fully expose themselves.
Many of us are fearful that we are not good writers or that we don't have anything to say, or that nobody cares what we think about that issue. You voice what many feel. That's why I liked Ben's demo so much--he gave us permission to read our writing as if it were bad, name it bad, and then not worry. So we just have to keep plodding through and as Nike tells us: "Just Do It."
ReplyDeleteKendra, Have I mentioned that you are a total writer-role-model? I completely value everything you have to say about writing! I was hardcore shaking when I shared my Open Mic piece...I feel as though we were a little pressured. Shoot..I'm not going to be the last one to share...nor am I going to be the only one not to share right? I mean that can't be possible. I completely agree. I feel as though my writing is far sub-par compared to everyone else in the group...shoot. People are writing real pieces..I'm writing a poem about my husband and I's first year of marriage. I love it..but it is so minimal to everyone else. Am I right?
ReplyDeleteKendra, I love your writing and totally look up to you as a writing teacher. You are fabulous girl... Work it ;)
Good grief, girl! From what I've seen, you are a fabulous writer. Hone in on the fact that I said..."you are a fabulous WRITER." I did not say poser, thief, trying soul, or other descriptor insinuating that you are falling short of a writer. This is definitely something that I've been pondering too. Am I a writer? What makes a "writer"? Do I need to publish something? Does my blog count? I've resolved to believe that I write, therefore I am a writer.
ReplyDelete(ready for my cheesiness?)
Writers unite!
I think you are quite the honest writer, and as far as Hemingway is concerned if it isn't honest its shit: "No subject is terrible if the story is true, if the prose is clean and honest, and if it affirms courage and grace under pressure"- papa H. I also think your writing is a fingerprint of sorts, and perhaps your uniqueness is something you hould celebrate more.
ReplyDeleteDid you know that the "Fraud" complex is something they talk about in psychology circles--it's something that happens to many women. They look at all of this writing that they do--or the work that they do--and then they say to themselves, "It was all this kind of thing or that kind of thing, but not the "real" thing. Or if they happen upon a "real" thing, they say that this action was a mistake--or a fluke --or just luck. It is the pressure women put on themselves--that other's do not, but that we do. Look at the kind of writer that you are already, and keep exploring new and interesting possibilities. You are the REAL McCoy!!
ReplyDelete